Looking out through grey scale

Looking through grey scaleCharcoal pin stripes     my contact lensed view    i judiciously observe disembodied attachment to the swirling discourse

power ignites through phrases unsaid    assertions protected over the spaces between

Looks or sneers or knowing denouncements   covered over with achingly searing   politeness

it is these many moments we incorporate in our personal filing system   so experiential  so embodied

truths resolved   yet perhaps found wanting

Where are those waters of empathy       soothing balms of being with despite our differences     of letting go or

containing  concerns

My mind reals with examples     spinning like a rolodex of personal slights

or bricks in the wall between us

the trigger connects to ancient    semi-conscious intuitions of unsafe conditions

“I don’t want to be dumped”, I say to the wave     overwhelming my body

“I don’t want to be shunned”, I say to the door      slamming in my face

“I don’t want to be publicly shamed”, I say to the jealous poison       infecting my ego

“I don’t want to be forgotten”, I say to those walking away

I am invisible in their pursuit of power

In all of this

it is not who I am

I am apart from this

But it is the sea my body and mind swim in

Shimmering clarity escapes again today as the sun sets and my mind prepares to enter it’s favoured state

sleep tastes like freedom     yet she is alive    with images and metaphors for my mind to mull over     for my voice to find words to paint the lucidity

that

shimmering clarity

out of reach     yet resolute

I change the lens from charcoal to a lesser judicious member of the grey scale

but can I let myself off the hook

am I able to embrace being apart

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